Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
