P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
