The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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