Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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