I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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