then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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