with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
