so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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