guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
