I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
