So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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