he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So vagazzling was a success
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
