Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
