Banned from zoo.
Again?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
