And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
