it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
