i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
