Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
