ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
