Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
