Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
