I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
