Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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