One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize