doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
