even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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