He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
