fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
