I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
