i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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