I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
