the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
