Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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