dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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