i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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