Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
