Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
