shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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