Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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