Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
