I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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