i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
