nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
