the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
