I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
