just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
