Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
