My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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