but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
