I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
