he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
