The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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