you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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