were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry about my life...
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