Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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