last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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