hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
