: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
