just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
