I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
