Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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