After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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