Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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