Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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