wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
a search helicopter?!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
