Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He better not be in your backpack
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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