Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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