Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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