So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
