It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
