thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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