My hand turned me down
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
