She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
