Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?

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(404): What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning? http://tfl.nu/h6ji

Replies (19) Good night (1678) Bad night (693)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents

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(843): I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents http://tfl.nu/wxlb

Replies (46) Good night (8900) Bad night (923)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'd give my left nut to see you

(609): View more from New Jersey

don't do that. I like the set

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(724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb

Replies (12) Good night (9793) Bad night (783)
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(917): View more from New York City

Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.

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(917): Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof. http://tfl.nu/i13l

Replies (13) Good night (4389) Bad night (1688)
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(417): View more from Missouri

Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.

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(417): Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home. http://tfl.nu/79mc

Replies (12) Good night (2961) Bad night (2784)
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(607): View more from New York

Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high

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(607): Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high http://tfl.nu/24mk

Replies (11) Good night (4973) Bad night (1255)
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(716): View more from New York

I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.

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(716): I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one. http://tfl.nu/p9u2

Replies (5) Good night (1109) Bad night (3924)
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(334): View more from Alabama

I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.

(334): View more from Alabama

I stand by my new policy.

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(334): I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots. (334): I stand by my new policy. http://tfl.nu/bu7l

Replies (4) Good night (1324) Bad night (493)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"

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(732): Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??" http://tfl.nu/dlt9

Replies (7) Good night (1030) Bad night (529)
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(925): View more from California

Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.

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(925): Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/tojt

Replies (6) Good night (1334) Bad night (443)
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(817): View more from Texas

You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?

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(817): You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember? http://tfl.nu/aoja

Replies (0) Good night (938) Bad night (422)
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(914): View more from New York

Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair

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(914): Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair http://tfl.nu/v5lw

Replies (1) Good night (1597) Bad night (321)
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(646): View more from New York

i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.

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(646): i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks. http://tfl.nu/tt2c

Replies (5) Good night (319) Bad night (601)
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(917): View more from New York City

We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell

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(917): We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/8o1d

Replies (1) Good night (509) Bad night (370)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's

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(828): We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's http://tfl.nu/vesc

Replies (0) Good night (370) Bad night (157)

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