I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?