i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
