Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
