Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
