He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
