I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
