i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
