It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
