Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
