im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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