Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
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New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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