I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
