That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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