I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize