I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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